Disclaimer: To avoid suicide, go and listen to the originals of these songs and weep for them, it’s the first step in the healing process.
So I bitched and moaned about all the horrible remixes out there in the electronic world. Parasitical money hungry and mildly talented rappers, producers and DJ’s soaking up cash for very little effort. But at least they don’t believe their music is anything more than some corporate sell-out. They knew it when they were making the songs, they know it as they sign the check for the deposit on their Malibu Dream House and they will know it, throughout the cruise they will take on their 70ft yacht round Greece.
What’s worse than people identifying the success a song has had and leeching off it, is when someone covers a song and truly believes they are good. Unfortunately these covers come mostly on the side of the road which uses guitars instead of loops and samples.
Act 1: Amateur
Amateur acts, as opposed to Professional and not opposed to ebony or BBW, have a rather gray seating in the musical world depending on whether you look at professionalism being a level of quality or signage to a label. Many singed acts are shite whilst unsigned acts are brilliant and vise versa.
I found an example of the ‘shite unsigned’ variety on YouTube which I thought highlighted the utter delusion of grandeur and the negatively superlative quality of musician.
You have to excuse him on some level because I am sure with some help and a few years he may be able to keep in time, but I don’t think he will ever sing. At the end of the day these guys are amateurs and you can’t knock them for trying. What I m trying to say is everyone has to start somewhere.
But if you’ve already got somewhere…
Act 2: Professional
Professional fails are hilarious as well but also quite sad since they’re popular and they don’t need to ruin it by ruining someone else’s song. It gets really bad when the song they butchered is inexplicably popular as well; defying all logic and reason:
If you can’t be arsed to watch the whole thing watch from 1:55 where it’s utterly cringe worthy.
Rolph Harris isn’t exactly known for being an fiery pop icon leading the disenfranchised masses through their own angst. Although he looks like the Australian Michael Cain, he offers all the fire and passion of a tea cosy but is famous none the less. Being the most famous dildo in all the land allows you some liberties such as making songs and them instantly heading straight up the charts. In this case number 7 on the UK singles chart.
Act 3: Alterior Motive
The exciting final chapter in this story questions not only the artist’s belief in themselves but the belief system of everyone watching the video. If you’ve been waiting for the convoluted, confusing and christian version of ‘Come Together’ you need wait no longer:
The way I see it Judgement Day can’t come too soon. What we can take from this is that Beatles obviously worshiped Satan. So before you leap out the nearest window think but this; don’t feel angry just pity them, they know not what they do; feel not depressed for the lost time, money, effort or bandwidth; but most of all look at them as something to be better than something to strive above. If you have any aspirations at all of ever being something in the musical world you could never be as bad as these guys…right?